I haven't posted in awhile. First let me talk about my picture. I planted a small raised organic garden in June and these are the baby carrots I just pulled up this morning...there is a mess of them, they smell good, they taste good and I am like a little kid, so excited to have followed through on my garden dream and have these veggies to eat all these months later!

I am struggling - too much stress, but mostly TOO MUCH PAIN and the pain has been my undoing. We finally broke our severe drought in central Texas but though that is good, or great, my FMS pain is back with a roar with each emerging storm system and everytime the barometric pressure changes I am raw with intense pain from head to toe. This pain now, as in the past, just zaps all my brain chemicals and puts me on the deadly spiral to depression. I had to drop a class a month ago, have to drop another and am left with one online class to keep my brain going, my cognitive functions alive, if IF I can even do that one!

I have a referral to a new neurologist that has a new e-stim brain method for pain relief- so I await that call-back tomorrow.

My psychiatrist says I have pre-depression dementia - not ADD like I thought - can't read, can't tell you what I read, can't think, can't get anything done, house is a disaster area...

Can't even do this post much longer!

I called the UTHSCSA and spoke to the TMS research doctor. She will call me tomorrow as well about what to do for maintenance irTMS treatments. I could go on the anti-depressants now but if I alleviate the pain, I feel pretty good - so I am going that route for now. Still doing all the non- medicine route of pain relief I can every single week - massage, chiropractic adjustments, Tai Chi, relaxation and working out every single day! I am using Biofreeze on what hurts, taking Advil gels, Tramadol, and Skelaxin as needed... Also using my tens unit occasionally. Having some emotional bouts here and there which don't feel so much like relief anymore, they tend to wash my brain in sadness, leaving me very sobered. I tear up when I think of my daughter, for example- missing her a lot. When I feel depression coming on, my old habits were to travel, get away - fly to Boulder to see her, fly out of state to see friends, or family. I feel like that now - ESCAPE - fly away- take a trip....

Take care. I am gonna fight this SO HARD!

Marian