Good morning,Here is a picture of my pen pal turned good friend, Brad, TDY for 6 months in the Green Zone, Baghdad, Iraq (8 weeks to go). Mid- August they had lots of fire coming in from the insurgents, and I last heard from him on Aug. 26th.
Lots of prayers, and crossing of fingers and well-wishes that he come home to his 3 kids here.
BE SAFE BRAD!
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"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
Thich Nhat Hanh
I am pretty stressed out - praying a lot, not wanting to compromise my recovery whatsoever. I am a little incredulous that in one week it has only been 2 months since my last TMS session. That seems like a season ago, you know? Lots of heavy living in this last few months. I guess I am trying to make up for lots of lost time, but I can feel a danger of burning out as I overwhelm and overdo. I am back in school for Library Science, trying to be a full-time student and taking 3 classes- whew- so much reading and little concentration to do so. Little retention of what I read as well so I have to repeat read a lot. I have volunteered to restart the Singles of St. Pius group at my church (I used to run it 10 years ago before I got so depressed and fibroed out). I now write articles on depression for the Examiner.com - my title there is San Antonio Depression Examiner. And I am just active everyday- going to church, movies with friends, support group Visa to Health every Tuesday, FMS support group every other Saturday- WHEW! From bed and house bound to running around doing a lot!
On the physical side, I am down to 255 pds from my high of 285 (my weight on the first day of TMS), am working out almost everyday now and am watching what I eat for sure. I use meal replacements like USANA or Medifast 1-3 meals a day and eat mostly meat and veggies and fruit for the other meals. I am taking supplements like 5-HTP, Calcium Magnesium, Fish Oil, Red Yeast Rice, and GlucoThera, Vit. D, trying to correct blood sugar, cholesteral. I lost 10 inches off my large frame in July and 9 inches in August and finally folks see a change and mention I look better. I certainly feel better, and slimmer than I look!
Emotionally I am crying at least daily, which worries me (and leads to more crying!) but I get feedback that anyone under these circumstances would also be crying from the stress. At this point the crying does not depress me as it did pre-TMS. Right now I feel high anxiety which builds and overflows into crying and then I feel SO much better and continue on. It used to feel like a wash of depression on my brain and I would get worse after crying. This feels like a release and a relief and my good mood restores after I cry. Sometimes my crying is a prayer of thanksgiving because I do feel so much better, am coping well and am living so much day by day I am amazed!
So I am putting into practice what I learned in Psychology- behavior affects attitude. I am smiling and letting it make me feel better. I am going out to events, talking about Bradley and my cousin David in Afghanistan, keeping up my almost daily walks on the trails of the park (still working on getting the photos off my phone), accepting invitations to join friends, attending the CineMujer film festival, and buying a meal for a hungry man just out of prison (now THAT was quite a meal we shared- what a blessing to meet Charles yesterday).
I feel full - full of life and I wouldn't miss that for the world.
Cheers,
Marian
I am pretty stressed out - praying a lot, not wanting to compromise my recovery whatsoever. I am a little incredulous that in one week it has only been 2 months since my last TMS session. That seems like a season ago, you know? Lots of heavy living in this last few months. I guess I am trying to make up for lots of lost time, but I can feel a danger of burning out as I overwhelm and overdo. I am back in school for Library Science, trying to be a full-time student and taking 3 classes- whew- so much reading and little concentration to do so. Little retention of what I read as well so I have to repeat read a lot. I have volunteered to restart the Singles of St. Pius group at my church (I used to run it 10 years ago before I got so depressed and fibroed out). I now write articles on depression for the Examiner.com - my title there is San Antonio Depression Examiner. And I am just active everyday- going to church, movies with friends, support group Visa to Health every Tuesday, FMS support group every other Saturday- WHEW! From bed and house bound to running around doing a lot!
On the physical side, I am down to 255 pds from my high of 285 (my weight on the first day of TMS), am working out almost everyday now and am watching what I eat for sure. I use meal replacements like USANA or Medifast 1-3 meals a day and eat mostly meat and veggies and fruit for the other meals. I am taking supplements like 5-HTP, Calcium Magnesium, Fish Oil, Red Yeast Rice, and GlucoThera, Vit. D, trying to correct blood sugar, cholesteral. I lost 10 inches off my large frame in July and 9 inches in August and finally folks see a change and mention I look better. I certainly feel better, and slimmer than I look!
Emotionally I am crying at least daily, which worries me (and leads to more crying!) but I get feedback that anyone under these circumstances would also be crying from the stress. At this point the crying does not depress me as it did pre-TMS. Right now I feel high anxiety which builds and overflows into crying and then I feel SO much better and continue on. It used to feel like a wash of depression on my brain and I would get worse after crying. This feels like a release and a relief and my good mood restores after I cry. Sometimes my crying is a prayer of thanksgiving because I do feel so much better, am coping well and am living so much day by day I am amazed!
So I am putting into practice what I learned in Psychology- behavior affects attitude. I am smiling and letting it make me feel better. I am going out to events, talking about Bradley and my cousin David in Afghanistan, keeping up my almost daily walks on the trails of the park (still working on getting the photos off my phone), accepting invitations to join friends, attending the CineMujer film festival, and buying a meal for a hungry man just out of prison (now THAT was quite a meal we shared- what a blessing to meet Charles yesterday).
I feel full - full of life and I wouldn't miss that for the world.
Cheers,
Marian
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